It’s amazing, the things you don’t realize you take for granted..
Being able to twist a door knob open.
Pulling the blinds open.
Making a meal.
I haven’t been writing lately partially because of the pain, and partially because I try to keep this blog as upbeat as you can be about a horrible disease.Those who have Lupus know what I mean. I’ve been having a really, really hard time staying upbeat.
This morning I tried to get up to pour myself a cup of coffee and it felt like someone took a baseball bat to both my knees and was smashing them endlessly to pieces. I was laying there white-knuckled, clenching my knees and bawling when my husband found me. I never wanted anyone to ever see me like that.
In all honesty, I can’t say for sure how he’s taking all of it. He always puts on a strong face. A poker face. I had no idea he was really truly worried when he came home from Afghanistan until the doctors told him his resting heart rate was 110.
The prednisone was working. It was. It’s not anymore.
I wonder if it’s doing more harm than good at this point. Since starting the drug I’ve suffered less neurological symptoms but it seems like everything else hurts so much more. The only thing that touches the pain is Vicodin and I’m absolutely terrified of becoming reliant on that to manage it. I hate drugs. I hate them. I’m so incredibly scared of them.
Hope everyone else is well and that the weekend is off to a great start. Y’all have been in my thoughts and prayers.